Fields Of Life. Ch.18.
Finding Hope, Encouragement And Comfort.
From the age of four, I had been attending Sunday School.
Two years later, I moved to Pengam near Caerphilly, South Wales.
When I was eight years old I asked the Lord Jesus Christ into my heart and life.
Things weren’t easy for me though: There were times as a child when I was not very happy.
On top of everything else, I was bullied at school.
And, for some silly reason, at the age of fifteen I stopped going to Church.
I don’t know why, perhaps it was because I was a teenager.
Anyway, my logic seemed good at the time!
In fact at that time, I thought I knew everything about life but boy, was I wrong!
I suppose to some degree, although I believed in God, my walk with Him became weak.
I became distracted by other things in life.
At the age of sixteen I left school and had a few good jobs.
Even so, I felt I didn’t fit in anywhere.
It didn’t really matter where I was – at the work-place, market-place, or anywhere in the wider community – I always felt out of sorts!
I felt the world was against me!!
To make matters worse, the bullying never seemed to go away.
It was during these moments of being intimidated, that I began to perform with less success than expected.
There were times when I felt so empty, inadequate, lacking in excellence and value.
At this point in time, life for me, seemed pointless!
It’s for this reason – when I was twenty one, I wanted to end it all.
By this time, I just couldn’t cope with any more!
I’d had enough!
I felt so worthless.
I couldn’t see a way out.
The mental pain led to despair and thoughts of ending my life.
I became almost self-destructive.
I planned it all out, but at the final moment I found myself crying out to God!
Then, quickly and without any warning, I suddenly realised I could speak to God.
It was at this point that I literally felt His hand on my head and knew His presence at my side.
Without further thought, I knew that I wasn’t alone, there was hope!
My heavenly Papa reminded me that I didn’t need to do this because His Son had already gone through all the heartache, hurt and pain for me at Calvary.
I thought I had it bad.
I thought I was good for nothing!
But I realised God had given me life through Jesus.
It’s because of Him that I have a reason for living.
It’s because of His love for me, I now know that I have a future.
It was so amazing, a turn around experience for me.
GOD STEPPED IN:
Suddenly I found HOPE in my discouragement,, ENCOURAGEMENT in my dejection, and COMFORT in my distress.
I began to learn, that when we’re in a crisis, facing bad times, hard knocks or victimization – when it matters the most, God is there.
He is never delayed, late or unpunctual!
He always knows when we need Him.
He is faithful through it all.
Anyway, when I was twenty five I began to regularly attend Ebenezer Baptist Church, Pengam.
It was then, that once again, I began to realise God has always been there for me, but I still felt guilty and ashamed about wanting to end my life.
I had a problem with having communion because of this.
It wasn’t easy for me when we gathered around the Lord’s table to remember His death and share in bread and wine.
Then I asked God for His forgiveness.
Now I’ve got so much to thank Him for.
GOODNESS AND MERCY:
God, my heavenly Papa, has taken all the rubbish out of me and poured all His goodness into me.
Imagine a glass jug which is full of mud, the mud means me, I was missing the mark.
I was scared of life, full of doubt and afraid of people.
But now, the mud has been emptied out and fresh, clean, life giving water has been poured in.
The water means how great it is to be alive – to know and experience the peaceful presence, power and love of God.
On impulse, I’m heading in the right direction.
The new content in the jug is my life today – and my life is overflowing!
Outside of the jug is looking through, and look, look how unclouded it is!
The doom and gloom of yesterday has disappeared – I’m no longer rendered powerless, no longer swamped in grime!
What a transformation!
As the outside of my life began to gleam, it became an expression of my heart.
For me, a turn around situation.
What a change!
Those feelings of emptiness and worthlessness have gone, completely disappeared!
God is with me at all times, and He will never let me down or leave me abandoned!
God values me.
He’s in the business of collecting rejects.
He’s in the business of fixing what’s broken.
What a blessing.
I’m accepted and forgiven!
You too can choose to remember the times when things have gone wrong, or you can simply choose to rely on Jesus and what He has done for us because of the cross.
Remember, you are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4
New American Standard Bible.
“If we are open to God, He will speak to us through the seasons of life: the dawn chorus, a brass band, a childs lullaby, and even the silence.”